(no subject)

[cridecoeur]

So, here's the thing.

I fucking love Bakery AUs.

This is awkward for a number of reasons, one being that I don't eat, y'know, anything you could make in a bakery. I don't even like bread. Seriously, I buy that unnaturally thin stuff so when I make sandwiches there will be even less bread involved. I also can't actually remember the last time I walked into a bakery. It probably wasn't willingly. So I have like zero experience with bakeries and their general foodstuffs, and I don't, as a rule, like the things they produce. And, yet, I love Bakery AUs.

The real problem with this is that I want to write a Bakery AU. Specifically I want to write a Sherlock/John Bakery AU. But a) I know nothing about bakeries, including what happens in them day to day and b) I don't know how to bake shit, and I figure professional baking is not something you can just fake (I mean, I guess I could try, but that'd add another level of ignorance on top of an American writing in a British fandom, and, yeah, I'd rather not) and c) I have no fucking clue how either John or Sherlock would wind up owning a bakery. The closest I could work it towards making sense is Harry owning the bakery. An alcoholic baker. That bakery would clearly be a raging success. Plus John doesn't, y'know, willingly entangle himself with Harry. SO BASICALLY I CAN'T MAKE IT WORK EVEN THOUGH I WANT TO.

That is my sad story for the day. I am sorry for the like minute you lost reading that.

Comments

[nicki]

I'm assuming that this is Sherlock Holmes?

I shall now gift you with worldbuilding (because you put it in my head!)

Sherlock inherited the Bakery from his wastrel great-uncle who was also an outcast from their fabulous restauranteur family. However he can't be bothered to actually run it himself on a day to day basis, so he hired John to do it. John had been cast out of one of the more famous restaurants in London because cut himself badly making minced pies (his specialty) and now can no longer stand the sight of a knife.

So, every morning, John gets up from his apartment above the bakery (where Sherlock insists he live) at 4:00 AM and goes down to make perfectly serviceable bread and the odd bunch of sweet buns. Sherlock wanders down around 10AM and, if inspired, cooks up an amazingly fabulous new treat. Olive Loaf! Cinnamon Almond Croissants! Walnut-maple pinch biscuits! Unfortunately he often displaces John's loaves form the key spots in the bread oven and then makes fun of John for burning his bread. He does help after though, if he has time and energy.

When he is not inspired, Sherlock retreats to the back room, stealing cupfuls of John's best yeast and coal from the oven, to make BEER with hops that John begrudgingly buys at Sherlock's request. People very often come in to buy bread from John, but it is Sherlock's amazing creations that garner all the praise. If Sherlock is feeling particularly annoying, he visits the local restaurants and astounds the crowd by telling chef's their own secret recipes after only two bites. He then insults them by explaining that they should really add more coriander, or basil, or blackberry infused honey.

On one memorable occasion Sherlock accidentally obtained flour instead of yeast and then dropped it far too near the coals he had stolen from the stove, causing a small explosion.

Guest appearances by:

Irene, the confectioner from two neighborhoods over. She has been known to arrive on the premises, pinch a bit of whatever Sherlock has created that day, tell him his recipe and then inform him that it needs more anise or a dollop more molasses, before swanning off down the street. He finds her most presumptuous.

Mary, the proprietor of the service agency next door. She comes in precisely at 4:00PM each day and eats two slices of bread with honey while drinking a cup of tea. Sherlock in unable to decide if she is attempting to attract John's interest or if she comes in to see Irene insult him. He does not like her much either.